Why is it that even though your potential client may seem eager to do business with you when they first meet you, their interest seems to fade off as they start talking to you?
I’ve always believed that “business is personal”. A successful business relationship is all about building a bridge of confidence and trust between you and your prospect.
Your prospect wants to trust you, but how can they trust you if you do not trust yourself?
I believe this is a major problem with many solopreneurs: deep down, they don’t think they “deserve” the prospect’s business. Undeservability is a corrosive energy that becomes apparent to people who get to know you.
This was a major problem with me when I first started my technology consulting business in the mid-90s. I had all of the technical knowledge, but I felt all alone, with no backup, no support, and unsure of why I was even in business in the first place. It took sinking this first business to the tune of over a hundred thousand dollars before I woke up to the need to strengthen my own feelings of deservability, and from that develop the self-confidence to take bold action.
Here are five strategies I constantly use to flex my deservability muscle:
1. Go back to the three “W”s.
Business is personal, people want to connect with the real you. Go back to basics, get clear on your three “W”s:
– “Who am I?” (your personal mission),
– “What do I want?” (your personal vision),
– “Why is this important to me now?” (your personal motivation).
Even though I had read lots of books on personal development, it was only when I focused on creating a one sentence response (ten words or less) for each question, that I developed more confidence in my venture. The clarity I gained from these answers gave me the energy to meet new people, attract more clients, improve my business and increase my income. The lesson I learned is that clarity about who you are and what you want is vital to build your feelings of deservability.
2. Create an environment that supports your three “W”s.
Deservability thrives in healthy surroundings. Clean up, lighten up and air out your living space – even if it means renovating or moving. Eat right and exercise strenuously – even if it means changing your lifestyle. Get rid of whatever you’re tolerating – even if it means breaking “commitments” that no longer work for you. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and emphasize your strengths – even if it means letting go of certain “friends”. Let go of everything that reminds you of what you don’t want, and adopt everything that reinforces your Three “W”s – even if it means completely changing how you live your life. Your environment strengthens your feelings of deservability.
3. Send the “monkey mind” packing.
The monkey mind is that constant self-loathing chatter that saps your confidence and your energy. You can recognize the monkey mind whenever you have a thought that causes you to doubt or hesitate. Find a way to interrupt these thoughts as they occur. A favorite strategy of mine is to wear an elastic band around the wrist. Every time you hear that monkey mind chattering, snap the elastic and say to yourself STOP! Then say to yourself, clearly and consciously, your one-sentence answers to the Three “W”s: “Who am I?” “What do I want?” “Why is this important now?”. You will find that, with time, these three sentences will become an empowering mantra that displaces the monkey mind and reinforces your feelings of deservability.
4. Break habits and nurture rituals.
Habits are unconscious actions that serve to soothe a fear. Rituals are conscious actions, made automatic, that build towards a desired, positive state. Habits are easy to identify – they will pop up whenever the monkey mind is at work. Pick a negative habit that you want to let go of this month, and replace it with a conscious ritual. Write down the symptoms of the negative habit and when you recognize them, snap that elastic band around your wrist and switch right away to the conscious action you want to make automatic. Connect with a coach who can help you design positive, conscious actions that will create the results you want, and your deservability muscle will get stronger fast.
5. Fake it ’till you make it.
Huh? What this oft-misused adage really means is to move forward with a deep faith in your deservability. Faith is about believing without necessarily fully understanding how you are going to get there. Take actions “as if” you were confident in yourself. Ask yourself: “If I were ten times bolder, what action would I take in this moment?”. Pretend that you are ten times bolder, and take the step. Use your positive thinking and conscious, positive rituals to help you focus on your positive results. You will find in time that you will develop a boldness that will turbocharge your deservability.
Before others can trust you, you have to trust yourself. By reinforcing your self-confidence, you strengthen your deservability muscle and provide the essential foundation to build a bridge of trust between you and your prospect.
Flex your deservability muscle, and you will power your way to creating the future you really want!